“1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? 2 Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. 3 Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts. 4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. 5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy? 6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. 9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. 10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up” (James 4:1-10).

     As I have said, pride and selfishness seem to go hand-in-hand. We might go as far as to say pride and selfishness are in such a close relationship to one another that they feed each other. However, the emphasis of James 4:1-10 is upon the offspring of the relationship between Pride and Selfishness as they Breed. The corrupt child produced from the relationship between Pride and Selfishness is a child of satanic seed named Strife. Whenever Pride and Selfishness are allowed to cohabitate together, you will find the production of a child named Strife.

     Strife is a nasty little fellow who is never content with destroying one relationship. Strife’s main characteristic is unforgiveness. We might go as far as to say UNFORGIVENESS is a very large birthmark on the face of Strife that constantly is moving. You will never be able to look Strife in the face without seeing unforgiveness somewhere. Strife holds grudges. Strife wants revenge. Strife wants the person who has stepped on his fingers to be in as much pain as he was in. Strife has an excellent memory and refuses to forget past failures.

     Strife is a child that wants everyone to hold him. Strife does not want to see anyone enjoy life. Strife does not want to see any couples, friends, or groups of people living in harmony or spiritual unity. Strife is like a crying child born from two malcontent parents (Pride and Selfishness) reaching out to people of compassion who simply want to quiet his agonizing screams, because Strife’s screams are agonizing to the lives of everyone he comes into contact with. Strife demands attention.

     Most people look at Strife and think all he needs is someone to love him. Their response to his incessant screaming for recognition and attention is to try to embrace him and comfort him. The fact is, Strife exists because he is the product of two spoiled, undisciplined parents (Pride and Selfishness) and they have produced a spoiled, undisciplined child. The very last thing Strife needs is another person to merely tolerate him, cajole him, or comfort him. Strife must be confronted, rebuked and admonished. Strife must be dealt with at the foundation of its origins. However, it is not Strife that needs to be punished. Strife is just the child of his parents. Strife’s parents need to be taken to the Woodshed and, if they will not receive correction and repent, they need to be stoned to death. As soon as Selfishness and Pride are destroyed, Strife ceases to exist.

     Strife is just the child (symptom) of an ongoing relationship of tolerated fornication between Pride and Selfishness. You cannot correct Strife without killing his parents. Pride and Selfishness can only be destroyed through self-recognition, acknowledging the wickedness of the relationship between these two, and genuinely repenting of even allowing their cohabitation. Most people think they can correct the problem by dealing with Strife externally. The problem is that Strife does not require a nine month gestation. Pride and Selfishness must be separated from one another and individually repented of or they will immediately produce more Strife children. These Strife children will all be individual situations, but they will all be identical in their central characteristic. They continue to exist because of unforgiveness of something

     Repenting of the selfishness of unforgiveness is how the beginning place where the sin of strife must be dealt with. Every situation where strife exists must be examined to discover the sin of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is the selfish sin that must be repented of. However, unforgiveness in every party must be confronted with the responsibilities of obedience to God’s Word and the sinner must be convicted by the Holy Spirit of his own sin of unforgiveness and the contention/division it produces.

     Repentance is produced when the Spirit of God brings the Truth of God’s Word into the life of a prideful, selfish sinner and confronts the issues of the heart with those Truths. Repentance is the supernatural child of the Seed of the Word of God sown in the life of a sinner by the Holy Spirit through conviction of sin, righteousness, and judgment. Repentance is genuine when the believer is determined to kill Pride and Selfishness in his own life. Repentance is the determination to never allow Pride and Selfishness to cohabit together long enough to ever produce the child called Strife. Strife will never be produced in the life of a believer who has learned to habitually die to self and practice the Biblical principle of forgiving others as God has forgiven us.

“29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. 30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: 32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:29-32).

     Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour and, evil speaking all come from the malice in the heart of a sinner unwilling to forgive. The word “malice” in Ephesians 4:31 is from the Greek word kakia (kak-ee'-ah). It refers to an inner maliciousness that controls outward actions and the way a person treats other people. Malice is always connected with evil wickedness. It was this malice towards God’s sovereign decree of giving dominion of His original creation to man, rather than angels that prompted Satan’s deception of Eve and the seed of selfishness sown into humanity through Adam in the first place. However, the malice came from the attitudes of pride and selfishness that already existed in Satan’s motives. Satan’s pride and selfishness would not allow him to humble himself before God and submit to God’s ordained order of creation. He rebelled and acted in malice towards man.

     Even though the Satan’s malice was directed towards man, the malice was actually against God. We need to understand this fact about malice as the sin of unforgiveness. Although it may be directed towards someone we are unwilling to forgive, malice is actually against God and our rejection of His ordained means for correcting failures. This is why God treats the sin of malice and unforgiveness with such contempt. God will not hear or answer the prayer of the unforgiving.

“9 After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. 10 Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread. 12 And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. 14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:9-15).

     If we understand the holiness of God, we understand that any sin we commit against that holiness is immeasurably more offensive to God than anything someone can do to us. Any sin against God grieves Him in ways we cannot imagine. Yet, we can somehow justify our unwillingness to forgive someone else’s inadequacies, failures and sinful acts that affect us in someway.

     Forgiveness is not merely an outward concession of words in platitudes. Real forgiveness must flow from the understanding of the horribleness and offensiveness of our own sin before God and the forgiveness of that sin by God. Only then will be able to forgive from the heart the way God forgives us. We often fail to see that the issue of resolving offenses in Matthew 18 is about unforgiveness. It was the issue of unforgiveness that was not to be tolerated in the Church.

“15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. 18 Verily I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever ye shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:15-20).

     The unwillingness to resolve strife and conflict resulting from human failures (“trespasses”) was not be tolerated. This text is not about dealing with the sins of the flesh like looking at pornography, adultery, stealing, or other such obvious things. Dealing with these kinds of issues does not require what is described in Matthew 18:15-20. This is apparent by the very next verses in the context and the question raised by Peter to the Lord in response to Christ’s statements in Matthew 18:15-20. Christ answers Peter’s question with a parable about the believer’s relationship to God and the believer’s overwhelming dept already forgiven by the Lord.

“21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. 23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. 24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents {somewhere between ten or twelve million dollars; an impossible debt considering the average wage of the time was about a penny or pence a day; Matt. 20:2} . 25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. 28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence {about twenty dollars}: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. 29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. 30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. 31 So when his fellowservants {the members of the local church} saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. 32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. 35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses” (Matthew 18:21-35).

     We notice immediately in James 4:1 that along with the issues of selfishness and pride come an innate tension. The consequences of that tension goes far beyond the breach of human relationships because of the satanic seed of selfishness. The fallen human nature and the world is constantly out of harmony with the spiritual realm of God’s existence. However, unforgiveness keeps us in the prison of that tension and locks the door upon us. This is true because there is constant friction and enmity between God and unrepentant sinners. The satanic seed of selfishness must be dealt with and died to before any of us can once again be restored to harmony with the spiritual realm of God’s existence and live in fellowship with God. The only possible way for fellowship with God to be restored is through God’s gracious, selfless forgiveness of our sins. The only possible way for any relationship to survive longer that a few weeks is for each of us to understand the absolute necessity of forgiving the trespasses of others against us.

     No one is saying that forgiving the trespasses of people against us is an easy task. Forgiveness is hard spiritual work. Some of these trespasses have caused us great pain. Some of these trespasses have breached a trust that goes against ever trusting this person with our hearts ever again. However, the selfish person is just not willing to make the effort to put the past failures of people away. Selfish people only see the present through the eyes of past failures. They will not give a new beginning to those who have hurt them or broken their trust even though God gives them opportunity for a new beginning everyday. Sadly, according to God’s criterion for Him forgiving us, the unforgiving person has shut down his spiritual relationship with God and is living in his own sin (unforgiveness). His unforgiveness is doing himself more spiritual damage than it is the person he is not willing to forgive.

     We are naturally self-protective when it comes to trusting people who have abused us, hurt us, or taken advantage of our love to them. They do not deserve to be trusted. However, this truth is true of our relationship with God more than with anyone else. How many times this week did you fail God and commit some act of sin? How many times did you go to God and confess some sin asking Him to forgive you and trust you with His glory once again? How many times did God forgive you and restore you to fellowship with Himself this week? Isn’t it amazing that we expect a righteous God to do something for us that we are not willing to do for another sinner like ourselves?

     Unforgiveness is the lock we put upon our own spiritual prison keeping God from blessing us spiritually and from being able to use us to bring Him glory. Satan laughs in derision at such foolishness. If you have one person you are not willing to forgive, you are unforgiving. JUST ONE! You are living in a continual act of sin.

     Repenting of this sin means you must go to God and confess this sin with a commitment to forgive. Then, you must go to this person and tell him/her what you have been doing, asking him/her to forgive you for your ongoing breach of fellowship with a commitment to restore a loving relationship between the two of you. If unforgiveness has been a pattern in your life for a long time, you probably have many people you have done this to. You will need to make a list. You have got a lot of work to do. When you begin to do this work in earnest, then you will begin to see the joy of your salvation come to life once again.